Seriously frustrated with life, vision marks came and there is hardly any improvement from last year's performance. Was ranked 442 from among 650 candidates. Chemistry has already proved to be a time sucker leech, killed me in 2017 and looks like 2018 won't be any different. Time table is not being followed, internet being misused, answers not written, infact wrote practice test for chemistry and it seems a chimpanzee would have got more questions correct. They say only way out is through, but wayout seems to be too long. Time to take a job or ta ship and prepare, passing time at home is becoming difficult day by day.
Its not that I have a habit of wasting time on internet, it's just that there is a strange kind of lonliness which forces me divert my attention and net seems the easiest way out. Ayush's death has also made me fidgety, forced me to ponder over my life , this exam has deprived me of the quality time which I could have spent with my closest ones, 2 of whom are no longer in this world. How many more years? Atleast the silver lining is I am getting time to spend time with my parents, which is a previlege in such uncertain world.
Preparing for UPSC has taught me to respect my competitors, while preparing for IIT JEE I did not have much sympathetic attitude towards my class mates, but here it's different, I feel for brilliant candidates who are not getting in, sincere candidates failing prelims, is also painful to see. Somewhere I know I may be one of them , what's happening with them now is in store for me in the future.
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